Yuku free message boards

I was expressing concern to my SPiC (Significant Partner in Crime - I know, the abbreviation is just wrong, isn't it? Maybe SPC is better.) tonight about making a fool of myself if our paths should cross in NYC while you're here for your tour dates in October (which I am SOOO looking forward to! My first Mraz concert!). I get starstruck when I'm as impressed as I am with you, and the ability to speak intelligent words (or ANY words) usually deserts my brain in those situations. I end up kicking myself later for wasting an opportunity to learn something or to get to know the person better. Or to at least leave a first impression that says I'm not eating paste in my spare time. I know it's a slim chance we would meet anyway, but I have my fantasies and many people say you're very approachable so I remain open to all possibilities.

My SPC suggested my recent groupy-itis over you and your music could stem from something I feel I'm lacking and that the only bad part about it is I'm looking to fill that need outside myself. Damn, why didn't I think of that? It seems so obvious once it's out there. I'm so blessed to have him be my mirror. We both do a good job of reflecting each other when needed. That was one of those things when I read your journal entry expressing the same thought I was like "Whoa! I've had that thought about people mirroring each other!" But I digress...

So I'm left to ponder what exactly I'm searching for (altho self-worth tops my intuitive list when reviewing my reaction to celebrity) and where to find it inside.

Hmm, well just sitting here thinking for the last 10 minutes, I've gone from "it must be fear" to "it's fear of judgement," to "not fear of judgement from Mraz, I fear my own judgement of myself." If you're judging yourself, you're not loving yourself, so it's love and acceptance I'm looking for but it's not you I need it from, it's me. Love comes from inside first. Duh. I go around this circle often. Of course this is nothing you haven't already learned (just read your lyrics or journals and it's easy to see you know this already), and it's really nothing new to me either, but I forget often.

Now I'm having trouble deciding whether to just erase this post or put it out there since I know more people than just you read this thread. I feel a little silly thinking onto the screen, but that's just judging myself like I said, isn't it? Perhaps it would help someone else get around the same circle anyway, so I guess I'll post it.

Hope you're well this night... oops, morning. Maybe it's still dark over on your coast though. Nitey nite.