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"11.10.2005
I heart lohan too. What else is new?

Reply to a note I received on a returned copy of WFMRTC from an unsatisfied friend.

³Mr. A to the Hole² Dear Jason, Thanks for being so great to your fans waiting in the cold! I don¹t need to listen to your sorry ass anymore. Being an asshole will get you nowhere. iheartlohan@gmail.com

Dear Iheartlohan@gmail.com, First of all, How excited I am to meet you! How rare it is to have a name like yours. I¹ve met a dillion kinds of people on God¹s green earth and your name far and away exceeds them all. But I¹ve been expecting you. I knew it was only a matter of time before mankind would morph into something beyond the superhuman that we have already become. Pacemakers, Plastic Surgery and Prosthetic Limbs are one thing, but to have a proper name be somewhat hyper-intelligent is something to be proud of. Are your parents Robots? I BET YOU GET A LOT OF EMAILS!

Second. I¹m sorry you were disappointed that I didn¹t come out into the cold after the show and sign your CD. I hope the crack dealers in the area didn¹t bother anyone. They can be an annoyance. Just say no.

So I¹m curious as to why you assumed I would come and hang out on the street anyway. Was my performance not enough? Was it advertised that I would hang out on the street and allow myself to be mobbed? I find the after show street signing to be impersonal and cold. If I do get a chance to ask your name before the photo opportunity I¹m already onto the next one because the people out there are usually rabid and careless for others¹ health and safety. I enjoy songwriting and singing and dancing and laughing and sharing what I can within a shows two-hour time limit. This recreation process onstage is exhilarating and I thank you so much for coming out to participate in the fun. But on the road, my bus is my home. By the time I get to my bus I have had an exhausting day. That day in particular was the end of 6 straight shows in 6 cities in only 4 days. Throughout the San Fran show that you attended, I was losing my voice and I find its best to begin refueling and recharging for the next town ASAP. I give and I give and I give all I can even when I¹m losing strength and sanity and it makes me sad to think I¹m still not giving enough, especially when you throw your CD back into the bus with your cheeky note attached. I do what I can to make the times good for all. This includes everyone in the audience as well as the hard working band and crew who make the shows possible. Health is the most important factor to having good times. But I do feel guilty when I try to sleep on the bus knowing there are 20-50 people standing outside in the cold. I wish the bus were big enough and that I had more time as well as super-powers to do everything for everyone. But I¹m just one guy, y¹know? There certainly are a lot of you. I won¹t go on.

I¹m sorry to all who don¹t get enough. I hear your cries and I do what I can to remedy the situation. But to those who push it and call me an asshole. Then that¹s exactly what you¹re gonna get, An asshole. AS WELL AS AN ASS LOAD OF EMAILS FROM MY REAL FRIENDS. Thanks again iheartlohan@gmail.com.

Big Love to you."