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"The pop generation has lost a king."

did you totally steal that from my twitter! its chill

meanwhile... ive been oddly horribly sad because of his death. i mean.. i should feel sad. but i dont know if i was preparing to be this sad.

i feel like ive been a fan of his my entire life. i dont remember a time when his music wasnt a part of it in some way. i remember when i really starting getting into music and noticing pop and rap in the mid-90s (when i was about 10)... and he had been there even BEFORE that. it wasnt like i ever had to discover him. he was just always there. his music has always just been so astounding and relevant to me. he really is a king. he was almost make-believe. he lived an extraordinary life full of praise and torment, seemingly from the same audience. he had his own demons that never could escape him.. and its almost because of those that he seems almost super-human. i miss the guy.

just an instance of what hes done for me.. i was a fly on the wall through my childhood and even a bit through highschool... and then my choir director starting planning out some musicals and told me to audition.. but i didnt know what to sing.. so i just sorta reached into random songs i knew and pulled out The Way You Make Me Feel and sang it acapella... and i got into the musical, which had a small cast, but i ended up not having a large part. but i came back next year with more confidence and sang the same song again for my audition for bye bye birdie.. and i ended up getting the role of conrad birdie.... which VERY MUCH broke me out of any remaining shell i had at that point. i ended up giving an interview for the play section of the paper and told them that michael jackson is the reason i got the part.

obviously other things went into breaking me out as well... it wasnt just michael by any means and i had a lot of influence throughout highschool that led me to be the person i became... but that song helped. i had to convince myself to audition, but i felt confident singing the song, and it ended up getting me a couple roles.. which ended up being my first times ever performing for a large audience.. and those experienced helped my confidence in performing ever since... which is incredibly important to me now more so than ever.

anyway.. aside from all that... michael was an amazing artist and his talents are going to be missed greatly throughout the world. i hope that there are many more songs that havent been releases so we can still celebrate new music from a true legend.

one note though... keith olbermann reported earlier that mj felt bad about his falling out with paul mccartney in the 80s and 90s.. so in his will, he left what he still had of the beatles music to paul. i hope its true.